I Hate Myself

My Body
My Voice
My Hands
My Face
My Wrist.

Everything.

I cant live my life this way anymore, my feelings is fading away with the rest of my life.
Why do I've to wait, I am has been so TRULY sure for it this what i want, and not some wired part in my life. for almost 5 years now, actually almost 18 years. but in the past 12-13 years I've tried to live with it, try to live what I was born like, because I know from the start, that I had to wait. and maybe I just was wired and diffident, people called me it all the time, so why not? 

But when i turn some round 13-14, I couldn't no wait anymore. I was sure now. This was real, not some kind of insane idea. I know now why I was that sad all the time, why my medicine doesn't help at all, and just make things worst. but at some point, there continue to put pills on me. like the medicine would help me forgot what I felt inside.
but how could I forget or ignore this pain?

The pain to be a fault.
This felling killing me slowly and painful for every second I breath, I can't do anything, just hide in shame for the world. because i just wanna be seen in this state, I don't wanna hear them call me things there hurt me more than everything else. I can't take it word anymore, I can't stand near people how said even. even my own family. I don't hate them, I just have to protect myself. or else, I might do something stupid soon. because I can't hide it. I can't take it anymore. I have waiting to long now. and I won't wait anymore.

This can't last forever
Time won't make things Better. ..